Its Okay, Not to be Okay.

許久沒有上來這片寧靜的小地方了，

在過去幾天的GLS中學習了不少，想起這幾年參加的都有所得著。尤其令我印象深刻的第一年在敬拜中的豐盛。

在這次的GLS中學習謙卑、也看見其實領袖不需要是完美的，生活中也有不完美的時候，而這些不完美才正是塑造著現在的自己、挑戰著未來的成長。學習不要求完美的自己，學習活出真實的自己。允許失敗、允許上帝用破碎的器皿盛裝祂的油。

The more you give power away, the more you yield, 

humility and give glory to the Lord.

Its Okay, Not to be Okay.

Being Real rather than Right.

其實我們本來就沒有完美，也沒有最好，

在這有限的世界中，

“最好”往往是因無法比較而得到的結果，

只有在無限的慈愛中，

“最好”是因為愛的滿溢而無以倫比的。

憐憫自己、無需成為那最好的，學習用神愛的眼光來看待自己。

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我用了許久思考自己未來的方向，

服事，發現自己對於宣教有負擔，然而卻還沒有找尋確實前路，

在思考自己是否該讀神學，

身邊的朋友告訴自己宣教是應該接受全職裝備、雖然說人人都該讀神學；

這些理論上自己都明白，但是依然裹足不前、

有些猶豫、不明白上帝的時間，也更不明白自己是否是因害怕想要掌控而不決。

星期三我在半夢半醒的狀態中似乎看到自己在不同的教會服事。

一直到星期四參加GLS前一天，心中有個奇怪的想法，我無論有否拿到學校的PgDip我早晚有一天也會需要讀神學。意外在GLS時遇到讀神學也當初極力推薦去讀神學的朋友。

只是現在的問題應該是時間吧。是什麼時候呢？

當我心中依然想著“若上帝親自叫我我才去”，就讀到一篇：

Called Of God Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.  ISAIAH 6:8 God did not address the call to Isaiah; Isaiah overheard God saying — “Who will go for us?” The call of God is not for the special few, it is for everyone. Whether or not I hear God’s call depends upon the state of my ears; and what I hear depends upon my disposition. “Many are called but few are chosen” that is, few prove themselves the chosen ones. The chosen ones are those who have come into a relationship with God through Jesus Christ whereby their disposition has been altered and their ears unstopped, and they hear the still small voice questioning all the time — “Who will go for us?” It is not a question of God singling out a man and saying, “Now, you go.” God did not lay a strong compulsion on Isaiah; Isaiah was in the presence of God and he overheard the call, and realized that there was nothing else for him but to say, in conscious freedom — “Here am I, send me.” Get out of your mind the idea of expecting God to come with compulsions and pleadings. When our Lord called His disciples there was no irresistible compulsion from outside. The quiet passionate insistence of His “Follow Me” was spoken to men with every power wide awake. If we let the Spirit of God bring us face to face with God, we too shall hear something akin to what Isaiah heard, the still small voice of God; and in perfect freedom will say — “Here am I; send me.” From My Utmost for His Highest Classic Edition

無法形容上帝與我的對話。

求神憐憫我的軟弱、我的頑固。